White Satin
by Jenasys Loveless Lovecraft
Summary: After Edward leaves Bella in the forest, he goes to Brazil. Bella goes missing. Edward/Bella
1. Better Off This Way

**Disclaimer: Do not own.**

* * *

**Chapter One- Better Off This Way**

"_**All that we had, it's understood**_

_**Forget all the bad, remember the good**_

_**There's faith in a soul, there's truth in a song**_

_**Doing what's right can hurt more than what's wrong**_

_**Sometimes I can't explain emotion from your pain**_

_**Everything's changing**_

_**I've rearranged…**_

_**Now it's alright, it's not the same**_

_**Things will be better off this way**_

_**I see you now survive somehow**_

_**Now I believe you're stronger than before"**_

**-Craving Lucy- "Far Away"**

**There's gonna be quite a few flashbacks throughout the story, all flashbacks will be in italics.**

* * *

Things don't always turn out the way you think they will. You can dream about something, put all your work and love into it, and still have it fall apart right before your eyes. Sometimes you can't even predict it, it sneaks up on you and hits you so hard you're breathless afterward. And then you're left wondering how it happened in the first place.

_Why couldn't I have prevented it?_

_Where did it go wrong? _

_Why did it go wrong in the first place?_

_How could I have let myself get so close to her? _That was the million dollar question. I knew how dangerous it was to do it. I just couldn't help myself.

Bella Swan came to our school one day out of the blue. I stayed away as long as I could, but she captured me in her big brown eyes and stole my heart right away from me. She never judged me, she never looked at me like I was a monster. Somehow she could accept everything that I was and everything I had done. Above that, she loved me.

And that's what makes it so hard to leave her.

I guess you could say I had been waiting from day one for the other shoe to drop. If I let her into my life something was bound to go wrong, I knew it. She knew it, but refused to believe she could really be hurt. Rosalie never let me forget it.

Of course I know Bella is human. She doesn't belong in a world of vampires.

So what's the problem?

It was Bella's eighteenth birthday. A major birthday. She'd come over to my house to celebrate with my family. As she was opening a present she got a paper cut and was nearly attacked by Jasper.

It was my fault. Bella may refuse to accept that, but it was. Now, I'm at a loss as to what to do.

I won't put her in danger any longer, but I can't deny my love for her. If I were to stay here she would only be a constant target for danger.

And that's why I left her. Admittedly probably not in the best way. I left her alone in the woods behind her house. I told her I didn't love her anymore and I left her. I lied to her face, and left her. It nearly tore my heart out to leave her there. Even though I could hear her trying to follow me, I couldn't turn around. I couldn't go back. She was better off without me.

"_Bella, how does this even work?" Edward asked, holding up the fishing pole with a confused expression._

_Bella couldn't help but smile at how adorable he was at that moment. Finally, she had found something he wasn't good at. "Look, you push this button in. Raise your arm back and then like you're throwing a ball, you move your arm forward." She slowly went through the motions as she spoke._

_He stared at her. "This seems silly. Why can't I just dive in and catch the fish with my bare hands? Wouldn't that impress you more?" He smiled._

"_Edward?" said Bella._

"_Yes, darling?" he teased with a playful leer. _

"_Shut up and catch me a fish." She shoved the pole back into his hands and then went back to her spot. Edward watched her pick up her own fishing pole and cast her line into the water. She turned her head and smiled slightly. "I'm not kidding, we're not leaving until you catch a fish. With the fishing pole," she added, seeing him glance out at the water. _

_Edward shook his hands. "You humans and your silly contraptions." He fiddled for a moment and then did exactly as Bella showed him. "Look, Bells, I did it!" he exclaimed happily._

_The brunette looked over at him and shook her head. "Did you push the button in before you cast out?"_

_The vampire looked at his line to find it dangling in front of him, and not in the water as he'd hoped. "This is stupid." He tossed the pole on the ground as Bella laughed._

* * *

Now I'm sitting on the roof of a hotel in Brazil. I'd been here a few months now. Spending time on my own, enjoying the clear night air. It was nearly Christmas.

It was one in the morning but people were still alive and kicking. They hurried along the sidewalk beneath me. A few people spotted me and shouted up to me, mostly friendly shouts. One of my favorite past times was sitting on the roof at night and just sitting there, absorbing the quiet of the night.

During the day time I sat in restaurants or coffee shops, just to watch the people go by. Lots of people got married or honeymooned here. Couples everywhere walked hand-in-hand. I enjoyed watching them all pass by. It made things easier for me somehow. Though none of them knew how I was feeling at the moment.

The rest of my family were in Alaska, living with the Denali clan. Esme had been harassing me for weeks, warning me I'd better be there for Christmas or she'd have my head. Sweet as she is, I wouldn't dare think of skipping the holiday to sulk by myself.

She was worried about me. They all were. I'd fly out tomorrow. I had to admit, I was looking forward to spending some quality time with them.

I stood up and climbed back down to my window. Earlier I had packed my bag for Alaska. My flight was scheduled to leave at seven the next morning. The watch on my wrist told me that was only four hours away.

I sat down at the old, cluttered desk and began to write. Another thing I had taken to during my time here. When I finished I folded up the paper and put it in the box with the rest. Someday…

"_What the hell?" Edward asked in disbelief. Bella had just beaten him again._

"_Did I win?" she asked innocently, but she knew she had._

_Edward gaped at her. "I can't believe you beat me. Again."_

_She laughed, her chocolate eyes lighting up when she did so. Edward smiled, shaking his head. "I'm not teaching you to play any more games if all you're gonna do is beat me." _

_He started picking the cards up as Bella pulled her winnings to her. This was the third hand in a row she had won. His money was getting low. _

_Last week he had taught her to play chess. When she started winning more, they had switched to poker. Now Edward was thinking they were gonna have to find a new game to play. This was unacceptable. _

Edward smiled at the memory. He couldn't play poker with Bella anymore. He had lost too much money to her and was now in debt to her at least sixty dollars. Before he'd left, he'd planned on teaching her to play pool. He hoped her clumsiness would have been a setback in her playing. Now did didn't think he'd ever get the chance to see. Gazing out the window at the stars, he thought about what he wouldn't give for a shot at teaching her.

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**A/N: Wow, it's been a while since I've written any fan fiction. I can't take any credit for this idea, one of my best friends came up with it and since she isn't a writer, she asked me to write it. Hope you enjoyed it. I beta my own chapters, so if there are any mistakes they are all mine. ~JLL**


	2. Dosed By You

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

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**Chapter Two- Dosed By You**

"_**I got dosed by you and,**_

_**Closer than most to you and,**_

_**What am I supposed to do,**_

_**Take it away,**_

_**I never had it anyway,**_

_**Take it away,**_

_**And everything will be okay"**_

**-Red Hot Chili Peppers- "Dosed"**

* * *

As the plane brought my closer to my family, my thoughts became filled with them. Having not seen them since September I was pretty anxious to reunite with them.

The flight attendant offered me a drink and I politely declined, for the fifth time. She gave me a flirtatious smile and with a wink she finally walked away. I turned my attention to the window. We were flying over Washington right now.

Somewhere down there, at this very moment, Bella was living her life without me. Was she happy? Had she moved on? Had she forgotten all about me? I kept telling myself that's what I wanted her to do. Of course I was lying to myself. I didn't want her to ever forget me or what we had shared. She deserved to have someone to love her. Someone who wasn't flawed, like me. She deserved someone who was perfect in every way.

_Bella was beautiful in a flowing white gown. Her hair expertly done, her make up just right. She was flawless. Any bride would be on their wedding day. Her groom stood at the end of the aisle waiting for her with a smile on his face. He was a handsome man, anyone could admit that. Tall, blond, blue eyes, muscular. He was the picture of perfection._

_Charlie Swan escorted his daughter down the aisle. The preacher said some words and it was done. Bella Swan was now Mrs. Owen Gibson. Her husband took her hand and led her down the aisle. The newlyweds each wore one-thousand watt smiles on their lips._

_Bella sought out Edward and thanked him for coming. "I didn't want this to be weird," she said, looking down._

"_It's not," Edward lied._

_She looked at him with her doe eyes projecting concern. "Sir, would you like something to drink?" she said._

"_What?" _

"Something to drink?" she repeated.

I shook myself, realizing it was only the flight attendant. I accepted a bottle of water from her and she left. I was still on the plane. Torturing myself with visions of Bella's future. Or, how her future should be.

Shaking my head, I looked back out the window. We would be landing soon.

* * *

I pulled the rental car up to the house and got out. Before I could even shut the door Alice was on me, chattering away. She released me and stepped back, striking a pose. "How do I look?"

"Like an elf," I teased. She was wearing red and green striped tights with black boots, a green skirt and a red and green top. The hat perched on her head was also green and red and had little elf ears on the sides.

She smiled wide. "Thank you," she said, grabbing me by the arm. "We're so excited you're here. Emmett's been waiting for you for weeks." She was trying to hide her thoughts from me, so I could tell something was up, but I didn't ask. I'd let Emmett have his fun.

I opened the door and motioned for her to go inside before me. "A true gentleman," she said in a dreamy voice. I smiled as I followed her inside.

After the greetings, and hugs and a scolding from Esme about not calling enough, we sat down in the living room to catch up. Esme kept giving me the side-eye, making sure I was really as okay as I seemed.

She cornered me in the kitchen. "Edward," she started. Turning toward me with a cautious eye. "I know you may not want to talk about it, but I have to ask." She paused, giving me a chance to protest. I didn't. "How are you doing?"

"Better." She stared to me, knowing that wasn't the full truth. Finally I admitted, "I miss Bella. I think about her every day and I still love her." I smiled. "On the plane we flew over Washington and I couldn't help but wonder what she was doing at that moment. If she were thinking about me." I stopped and thought about my next words. "I did what I had to do though. She could have been hurt or killed if I hadn't left her. She's better off without me."

Esme smiled sympathetically, but it wasn't her who spoke.

"Don't you dare get broody on us tonight," a female's voice said from behind me. I turned to find Rosalie with her arms crossed. She was trying to glare at me, but her eyes gave her away. "You've been gone for months, you can't come in here moping around and think we're just gonna let you."

At that moment something hit me in the back of the head. Emmett was standing on the porch with the back door open, holding a snowball in his hand.

"Emmett! Don't throw snow in the house!" Esme scolded. Emmett didn't seem to hear her. He lobbed the other snowball at me, a pathetic attempt to really hit me though. I ducked out of the way and it smacked Rosalie in the face.

She gasped and her mouth dropped open. "This is a new shirt!" She looked down. "These shoes are Prada!" With that, she moved towards me. Emmett and I ran out into the backyard, lobbing snowballs at Rosalie while she threw them back at us. Since it was two-on-one she ended up covered in snow.

Finally, she took her shoes off and hurled one at each of us, one hit me in the ear and the other hit Emmett on the nose. She turned and stalked into the house. Esme's voice floated out to us as she scolded Rose for tracking snow on the carpet.

"Thanks, Em," I said quietly.

I didn't need to explain why I was thanking him, he understood. "No problem, bro." After a moment of awkward silence, he came running at me and a wrestling match ensued.

* * *

"There's no way either of you are coming in this house covered in snow," Esme said firmly. She dropped some clean, dry clothes on the porch. "Strip down and put these on."

"We might freeze, Esme. Look at all this snow," Emmett protested. She gave him a look that said 'try again' and he smiled devilishly.

"Do it and get inside. Alice wants Edward to play something on the piano." She went back inside.

"Alright," Emmett said, picking up his clothes. "Don't look." He peeled his snow covered shirt off and started pulling on the other one.

"I think I'll just go behind this tree," I said, walking away before he could drop his pants. Emmett's booming laughter followed me.

* * *

Christmas night I found myself climbing up to the roof. There were no people out here for me to watch, like in Brazil. Earlier in the day we exchanged gifts. I'd been excited to give Alice, Rose and Esme their gifts. I bought them some jewelry from Brazil that looked exotic. The girls loved them, as I had known they would. So far this had been an enjoyable holiday. The only thing missing was Bella.

I looked up at the moon high above me. "Merry Christmas, sweetheart," I said. The stars above twinkled in response. I couldn't help but wonder what she had done to celebrate today. Charlie had probably given her some gifts, she had most certainly given him something. I thought about her sleeping soundly in her bed right now, her belly full from a Christmas meal. I stood up and jumped off the roof to return to my room.

Like I had done before, I pulled out my notebook and began to write. When I finished, I tore it out and folded it up. Into the box it went.

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**A/N: Just throwing this out there, if anyone needs a beta please let me know. I've got a beta profile if you'd like to check up on me. Thanks for reading, please review! Enjoy your Easter holiday! ~JLL**


	3. Swimming in Your Eyes

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

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**Chapter Three- Swimming in Your Eyes**

"_**I said it's hot outside Let me go swimming in your eyes**_

_**We've been running for a while**_

_**Why don't you lay it on and make smile**_

_**I could never ask for nothing better than this**_

_**It's just tequila and the beach, that's why its salty when we kiss"**_

**-The Dirty Heads- "Lay Me Down"**

* * *

The next day I was at the piano, just randomly pressing some keys. Just to kill the silence in the room. Everyone had gone out, either hunting or playing in the snow.

Rosalie had stayed inside, having just fed and holding no desire to play in the snow. She had been upstairs most of the morning, but now she came into the room and sat down next to me on the bench.

She stared at me in silence until I finally asked, "What is it, Rose?"

"You still think about Bella don't you?" she asked. Rose was never one to hold anything back.

"Yes," I answered honestly.

"Why?" She genuinely wanted to know.

"I still love her."

Rose stared at me. "Do you ever think about going back?"

My hands slammed down on the keys, making a jumbled sound. "I can't. She's-"

"Better off without you, you've said it a million times." She rolled her eyes. "I don't mean going back to stay, I meant maybe going back just to visit. You did leave kind of abruptly."

I heard the sarcasm in her voice and ignored it. "I couldn't do that either. Visiting means I'd have to leave her again. I can't do it twice, Rose." If I were human I'd be tearing up right now. Rosalie put her arm around me. The closest to a hug I was going to get from her. "Why do you care, Rose?" I asked her.

"Hey," she said. "I may not have liked her very much, but I can't deny she made my brother happy. You were starting to get pathetic." She teased. "I'd give anything to see you smile like that again." She stood up and went into the other room.

I smiled. You can say Rose is a bitch all you want, but it's all for a good reason. She could be the most amazing person to talk to sometimes.

My fingers tapped out a random tune. It didn't have any real rhythm, just keeping my hands busy. My smile widened at another memory.

_Bella leaned against me, her eyes closing as I played. "Does this song have words?" she asked._

"_It can if you want," I responded._

"_I want it to then."_

_I smiled. I'd written this song for her, I just hadn't told her that part yet. "I call this song 'White Satin'," I told her softly._

_She hummed. A small smile played on her lips. I kept playing and began to sing._

Horrifying words pulled me abruptly from my memory. "-_where Forks, Washington teenager, Bella Swan is still missing. Her father, Charlie Swan is the Chief of Police in Forks."_

The television cut to a shot of Bella's house. My family were all standing around me, but I hardly noticed. Bella was missing.

"_There seems to be no trace of where Bella went. Her truck parked in the driveway, the house locked up tight when Charlie Swan arrived home from work. The woods surrounding Bella's home were searched, but to no avail. Bella has been missing since September fifteenth, two days after her eighteenth birthday. This is Connie Addams, reporting from Washington." _

The broadcast cut back to the news anchors at the desk. I was in shock. Can a vampire even be in shock? Esme had put her hand on my arm at some point. I hadn't even noticed.

"Edward-" Carlisle started.

"I have to go find her," I cut him off. I lunged for the back door, but Emmett grabbed me and held me in place. I struggled for a moment but there's really no fighting against the brute force that is Emmett.

"No," Esme started.

I turned to Alice. "Why didn't you see this?"

"You told me not to check on her! I was doing what you asked," she said, her blue eyes were round and scared.

"Like you ever listen to me!" I yelled. "I didn't want you to spy on her, not cut her out completely."

"Is there really a difference there?" she countered. "And besides, I had to cut her out completely because I knew I wouldn't be able to stand seeing her move on with her life. I love her too, Edward. She belongs with you, I saw it. And then you made us leave because YOU were too afraid of what would happen. You were unbelievably selfish making us leave and now you're blaming me for not seeing this sooner? Fuck you!"

I was gaping. My mouth hanging open. It was all true, I knew it was. But hearing my favorite sister throw it all back in my face hurt. She stood there, seething. Jasper was at her elbow like a silent threat.

My feet suddenly became the most interesting thing in the world. For the life of me I couldn't find the words to say. "I'm sorry," I whispered but it didn't seem like enough.

Luckily, Rosalie spoke up. "Alice, can you look now? Try and see where she is?"

Alice stared at me for a moment longer, then she tried to see into Bella's future. "Just Bella huddled in a corner. And darkness. That's it," she said quietly.

Carlisle took over from there. "Okay, we're going to look into this. But we need to be smart about it. We will go back to Forks, and we'll look for Bella." I could see in his head that he didn't like the idea. Bella had been missing since September, it was December now, almost January. It was cold in Forks, she was last seen outside. She could be dead.

Because of me.

I took her out there, I left her. She tried to follow me and I just kept going. No one could tell me not to beat myself up anymore. Not one person could say this wasn't my fault, because it is. And they all know it.

* * *

We arrived in Forks the next day. Our stuff was left at the house and then we went to Bella's house. Bella's hunk of junk was parked next to Charlie's cruiser. I felt a stab in my heart at the sight of it.

Alice and I walked to the door, she knocked lightly. Charlie opened the door, red rimmed eyes widening when he saw it was us. "You…" he trailed off.

"Hi, Charlie," Alice said. "No!" she exclaimed. Charlie lunged at me, Emmett and Jasper appeared out of nowhere and pulled him back.

Charlie was blubbering incoherently. The only words I could even pick out of his head were "Bella's gone" and "All your fault." I know, Charlie, I know.

Alice hugged him and started talking quietly to him. He calmed down after a few minutes and he straightened up. "I, uh, I thought you guys left town. Carlisle's job and all."

"We did," Carlisle answered from behind me. "We heard about Bella and we wanted to come back to make sure you were okay."

Charlie's eyes cut to me and I almost winced from the thoughts he was throwing at me. He blamed me for Bella's disappearance. He thought she had ran away and left with us. Or was devastated by us leaving and ran away and now she was hurt somewhere or dead. Either way, he blamed me.

Alice and Esme convinced Charlie to go inside. Esme volunteered to cook for him while Alice entertained him. Distract him, more like. Once the three were safe inside, Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and I went into the woods.

"Tell us what happened, Edward. Where you last saw her," Carlisle said.

"You mean where I left her alone," I corrected.

"Edward, stop it," Rosalie interjected. She gave a pleading look. I nodded once and then started to walk.

"Right here. Then I walked that way," I pointed. "I could hear her following me, but I don't know how far she went. I ran as fast as I could away so I wouldn't have to hear her calling my name."

Rosalie felt sorry for me. That was almost worse than Charlie blaming me.

"We'll all go in different directions, call out to each other every few minutes or so. If you find anything, just yell," Jasper said, taking control. He pointed out which way he wanted us to go and we all split up.

After three months of rain and snow there was no scent of her anywhere, even to our vampire senses. There was no trace of scent at all. We were looking for scraps of clothing, broken branches that would signal a fight, anything that would help.

Four hours later, there was still nothing. We'd ventured far from Charlie's house and pretty far from each other, but so far we'd found nothing.

Rosalie's voice rang out, loud and clear. A minute later we were gathered around her.

"What did you find?" Jasper asked.

She pointed a piece of cloth lying on the ground. It looked like it had been torn off a shirt. "I don't know if it's hers or not."

Jasper knelt down and picked up the piece of fabric. He sniffed it and held it out to me. "She always was the strongest to you."

As soon as it touched my hand, I just knew it would be hers. It was stained with mud, but I could tell it was the same color as the shirt she had been wearing the day I left her. Then I saw why Jasper handed it to me. There were some drops of blood.

"Edward," Rosalie said softly. I looked up to find them all looking at me. I realized I had just been staring at the piece of fabric Rose had found.

I held it under my nose and sniffed once. "It's hers."

_She always smelled like strawberries after a shower. She'd shake her hair and the air around her instantly smelled of strawberries._

_Edward lay in Bella's bed, she was cuddled up to him with her head on his chest. Edward thought if Heaven were real, it couldn't be much better than this._

"_How was your day with Alice?" Edward asked._

_Bella made a face, though Edward couldn't see it. "I tried on over a million outfits and she made me walk in heels," Bella complained._

"_Well that's not so bad," Edward said with a smile._

_She sat up and glared at him. "I tripped and knocked over a kid."_

_Edward burst out laughing. _

"_It's not funny. He screamed bloody murder. And then Alice told his mom I was drunk. I was so shocked all I could do was stutter, so she believed Alice and we got kicked out of the store. Apparently intoxicated shopping is frowned upon."_

"_Oh, Bella," Edward said fondly. She lay her head back on his chest. "Alice just likes to shake things up sometimes." _

_She murmured a protest, but it was half-hearted. _

_Edward buried his face in her hair. All he could smell were strawberries._

From the spot we were, Jasper pointed out next directions for us. And we split up again. Carlisle had called Esme to fill her in, while she reported that Charlie had been fed and was currently watching television with Alice. She noted that he wasn't as down as he had been when we had arrived. Alice had perked his mood up.

I stepped over a fallen tree. My boots crunched leaves and small twigs underfoot. Then I started hearing someone's mind. I looked around. It was just after nine. Who would be way out here in the woods this late? He was picturing some twisted things. He'd kidnapped some girls and had been torturing them. In his head he was reliving the torture of a blonde girl. He'd cut her and beat her, starved her and left her outside naked in the freezing cold.

I followed his thoughts until I saw him. Walking noisily through the woods, presumably going back to the torture shack he had. He was about medium build, about five-ten, brown hair, wearing jeans and a black button down shirt. His jeans were tucked into boots. He looked like an ordinary man, any average Joe walking the streets in any city in the world. And yet the thoughts in his head put him far outside the category of average.

He kept on trekking loudly through the woods. I heard Rosalie call out, "Check?" as she had been doing every ten minutes to make sure we didn't wander too far away from each other. I was supposed to respond and then call to Carlisle, but I couldn't reply to her without alerting this scumbag to my presence. So I remained quiet and kept following him.

Rosalie called out again, louder this time. The man heard her and stopped. He turned around, looking in all directions, then kept walking. He was thinking he might go look for the unfortunate little girl who had gotten lost out here so close to him. He hoped she was a red head. He liked red heads. Then his head filled with more thoughts of another girl he'd taken, a red head.

His shack came into view. I wasted no more time with him. In a second, I was in front of him. He gasped and yelled, "Shit!" My hands went to either side of his head and snapped his neck. He dropped dead at my feet.

I kicked his body out of the way and started toward the shed. An overwhelming scent hit my nose. I couldn't believe it. Before I knew what I was even doing, I had torn off the padlock, ripped the door off its hinges and gone inside.

There was his latest victim. Cowering in the corner like a frightened animal who had been kicked too many times.

My Bella.


	4. So Hard She's Trying

**Disclaimer: None of this is mine.**

* * *

**Chapter Four- So Hard She's Trying**

_"**So hard she's trying**_

_**But her heart won't turn to stone... oh no**_

_**She keeps on crying**_

_**But I won't leave her alone**_

_**She'll never be alone"**_

**-H.I.M.- "Right Here in These Arms"**

* * *

She was all skin and bones. Her once luscious brown hair was dirty and framed her face in stringy clumps. Her clothes were ragged and full of holes, but they were the same clothes she had been wearing the last time Edward saw her. She was sleeping at the moment, although not very peacefully. She shook with little tremors.

I could clearly see bruises on her bare arms and her face. Her left eye was black and she had blood under her nose. Blood soaked her clothes in some places. I didn't see her shoes anywhere, but only one sock was lying on the table in the middle of the room. Her wrists were trapped together with handcuffs. Around her ankle was an iron shackle that was connected to a chain holding her to the wall.

Slowly, I crossed the room and knelt down to her. I gently touched her face, she flinched in her sleep. Peeling the duct tape off her mouth, I realized where her other sock had gone to.

I covered my face with my hands, trying to contain my anger. No, not anger, fury. If I hadn't already killed him, I would have done it for sure now. I was vaguely aware of Rosalie calling my name. I yelled something in response and then I could hear the rest of them coming to me.

"Oh my God," Rosalie gasped. One hand covered her mouth, her blue eyes wide with disbelief, shock and horror. Had she been able to cry she would be now.

I grabbed the shackle around her ankle and snapped it off with a little effort. When I broke the handcuffs, she woke up. Her eyelids fluttered and she stared at me for a second before she started screaming and thrashing around. I tried to tell her I was there to save her, but she couldn't hear me over her screaming.

Rosalie pushed me aside and came forward. "Bella," she said softly. "It's okay, we're here."

Bella calmed down just a little. She cowered as far into the corner as she could go, shaking like a leaf on a tree. I reached out to her and she whimpered, batting my hand away. Sheer terror in her eyes made me back away. She was scared of me.

Rosalie spoke to her, "We're going to take you home, okay? Just come with me?" Rosalie reached out. Bella's eyes flicked back and forth between us. "You remember us right?" No answer. "You remember your dad? Charlie?" A slight nod, silent tears flowed from her eyes. "Come on, then," Rose said softly.

Slowly, Bella slid out of the corner. She kept her eyes moving between me, Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle. Rosalie turned around, "Guys, she's scared of you. Maybe you could wait at Charlie's or something. Warn him." She gave me a meaningful look.

I nodded and stood up. I looked back to Bella as I reached the door. She hadn't taken her eyes off of me. "I'm sorry. I hope one day you can forgive me." She whimpered again and fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Go," Rosalie ordered softly. I turned and walked out the door with my father and brothers.

* * *

None of them tried to speak to me on the walk to Charlie's. I wouldn't have responded if they had. When we reached the front door, Carlisle knocked. Esme answered.

"Where's Charlie?" he asked, kissing his wife on the cheek.

"With Alice, watching TV. What is it?" she asked.

Carlisle's eyes darted to me. "Let's just go inside." She nodded and moved aside, we followed them in.

"Charlie?" Carlisle spoke softly. Bella's father looked up.

Alice looked like she wanted to vomit. _I saw her_, she told me mentally. _I'm sorry. _I nodded to her, not sure what to say even if I could.

Carlisle sat down on the couch opposite Charlie. "We found Bella."

He received a blank stare in response. Then Charlie blinked. "I'm sorry? How? What do you even…" His eyes filled with tears.

"We've been searching the woods since we left Esme and Alice with you. She'd been held captive by someone, she's not in good shape," Carlisle explained.

Charlie's shock wore off and he shot to his feet. "Where is she?"

Carlisle put a hand on his shoulder. "Rosalie is with her. They're still on their way here. As I said, she's in bad shape. Charlie, listen."

Charlie didn't seem to know what direction to go in. He didn't seem to know what to do. He finally turned to my father and said, "What?"

"She's been abused."

"You said that. How bad?"

"Bad enough. She wouldn't let Edward come near her. She's traumatized. Scared of men."

Charlie let this sink in for a minute. "What do I do then?"

"Let Alice or Rose stay with her. Get her in therapy. Give her some time to heal," Carlisle said.

Charlie nodded and looked around to Alice. Then he ran his hands over his face and sighed. There was a knock on the back door.

"That's Rose," Carlisle said.

Charlie ran for the back door and flung it open. "Bella," he choked. I could see he wanted to hug her, but she cowered away from him and he restrained himself. He motioned them inside.

Alice went to Bella and helped her sit down at the table. Bella seemed to be shaking in her seat. "Maybe it would be best if you guys weren't crowding her," Rosalie suggested, looking at Carlisle. Charlie almost backed out of his own kitchen, he didn't want to upset his daughter. "Not you, Charlie," Rosalie said quickly.

"She's right," Carlisle said. He looked at Bella. "You'll need to go to the hospital and get checked out, make sure you don't have any infection or internal bleeding. If you like I could look you over now?" When she shook her head, he motioned for us to go. "We'll see you later then. Whenever you're ready." I lingered by the door, but Emmett pulled me along.

* * *

**Rosalie**

"Do you want something to eat, Bella?" I asked. "Or do you want to shower first?"

She didn't answer. At least she had stopped shaking, though.

Alice looked at me over Bella's head. "Let's shower first," she said. When Bella didn't protest, Alice reached out and helped Bella to her feet. Charlie stood back and watched. At least Bella didn't seem as afraid of him as she did the others. Alice helped her up the stairs while I followed behind. Alice took her into the bathroom while I went into Bella's room to find some soft pajamas, clean underwear and a big tee shirt for her. I knocked on the bathroom door and handed them to Alice.

Knowing Bella would be safe with Alice, I went downstairs. Charlie seemed to have gotten over the shock of his daughter coming home.

"Sit down, Rosalie," he said, pointing to the chair in his living room.

Something in his voice scared me so bad I almost froze on the spot. Instead I went forward and sat down where he told me.

He crossed his arms and looked at me. "I want you to tell me what's going on."

"What do you mean?"He huffed and started to pace. "Bella goes missing the same day your family leaves town. Then you show up here and suddenly you find her in the woods. We searched those woods. The entire Forks police squad and a few hundred volunteers couldn't find her. And then your family comes into town and just happens to find her six hours later. Yeah, spin me another one, Rose. Cause that's not suspicious at all!" He flung his arms out wide and stared at me.

I stared back with my mouth hanging open. "What are you saying, Charlie?"

"I'm saying I think Edward had something to do with her disappearing. Either he took her with him when you left and just brought her back today or he hid her somewhere around here and he never actually left," Charlie said.

"That's insane!" I shouted, standing up to my full height of five-nine. My fists were balled at my sides. "Edward had nothing to do with it."

"Oh really? Well then explain it to me, Rosalie." He crossed his arms and stared at me.

"Edward broke up with Bella before we left. We've been in Alaska these past few months. We didn't know anything about Bella disappearing until yesterday when we saw it on the news. We drove down as soon as we heard. All we did was trek through the woods. And apparently whoever searched the woods didn't do a very good job because we found a scrap of her clothes on the ground, not to mention we actually found her," I ranted.

"Where did you find her?"

"She was in this shack. I can show you where, if you want me to."

"No need, I think I know what you're talking about. Because we searched that shack before and we didn't find her, so explain that one."

I huffed. "Was the plan of you searching the woods public?"

"Yes, we advertised on the news asking for volunteers," Charlie answered.

"Did you think whoever had her stashed there saw it on the news and decided to move her before the five-oh came stomping through his little house of horrors?"

Charlie scrubbed a hand over his face. "I guess, maybe."

"Look, Charlie," I said, as calmly as I could. "Edward loves Bella. He blames himself for what happened. He thinks it's his fault because he left her alone out there when he broke up with her."

"He left her alone in the woods?" Charlie yelled incredulously. "Then it is his fault!"

"It's no one's fault!" I yelled back.

"Guys, stop it!" Alice interjected. She was standing at the foot of the stairs. "Bella can hear you guys fighting. You're upsetting her." She glared at us both before bounding up the stairs again.

Charlie and I glanced guiltily at each other. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," I said quietly.

"Me too. And I'm sorry I blamed Edward," he said, though his voice wasn't completely sincere. I supposed mine wasn't either so I forgave him. "Just- you have to understand. She's my daughter." His voice became thick with tears. "She's all I've got."

"I know. I understand." We stood there awkwardly until Alice came back down. She sat with Charlie while I went into the kitchen to get Bella something to eat. When I went up the stairs carrying a plate of lasagna Esme made Alice was chattering away while Charlie stared at her. I knocked on Bella's door before I went inside. She was under the covers, staring at the wall.

"Here you go," I set the plate next to her on the bed. She started to eat slowly, as if she were in pain just from lifting the fork. "Do you need anything?" She looked up at me, then back down at her plate. I took that as a no. "Alice and I are going to stay the night with you. We're going to take you to the hospital in the morning." Tears welled up in her eyes but she didn't speak, only continued eating.

I sat with her until she finished eating. Then I tucked her in and squeezed her hand. "Get some rest." I turned off her light and shut the door. Alice was still talking when I got to the ground floor. "Alice," I said. She looked at me. "Time for bed, I think."

"Okay," she kissed Charlie's cheek and sent him up the stairs. I sat next to Alice on the couch. We heard Charlie slowly make his way up the stairs. The door to Bella's room opened and he whispered 'good night' to his sleeping daughter then quietly went into his own room.

After hearing Charlie's bed squeak under his weight, Alice turned to me. "I can't believe he thinks Edward did it," she said.

"When you listen to his side of things, it makes sense."

"Rosalie!"

"What? He made a convincing argument." Alice just stared at me so I said, "Well I know Edward didn't do anything to her. But you can't blame Charlie for thinking it. It does look weird. His daughter disappears the same day we leave, then we come back and find her. I can see why he would think it was Edward."

"I guess I see your point," Alice said quietly. "What do you think is gonna happen now?" She leaned over and laid her head against my shoulder. In turn I rested my head on hers.

"Well, tomorrow we'll take her to the hospital and have a doctor look at her. Make sure there's nothing seriously wrong with her. We'll go from there," I said.

"Do you think she'll get better?"

"I don't know, Alice."

"What about her and Edward?" she asked. "Do you think they'll ever get back together?"

I wish I had answers for her, but I didn't. "I just don't know."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I fucking love Rosalie and I hate how she always gets written off as a bitch, so this is my attempt at giving her more character and making her a bigger part of the story. How did I do? Do you like my Rose? Yes? No? Let me know! ~JLL**


	5. What Isn't There

**Disclaimer: Do not own.**

* * *

**Chapter Five- What Isn'****t There**

"_**So if you love me let me go**_

_**And run away before I know**_

_**My heart is just too dark to care**_

_**I can't destroy what isn't there"**_

**-Slipknot- "Snuff"**

* * *

**Rosalie**

The next morning, Alice and I got Bella dressed, fed and ready to go. Then I drove her to the hospital while Charlie went to file the police report on Bella's return. She wouldn't talk to anyone so he couldn't file her statement yet. We hoped this was just shock and it would pass in a few days.

When we checked in, I specifically requested a female doctor. Luckily my request wasn't ignored.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Collins," she said when she entered the exam room. Then she stopped. "And you're Bella Swan."

"Yes, she is," I said.

"How are you feeling, Bella?"

When Bella didn't answer, Alice said, "She's refusing to talk to anyone. We think it's from shock or something."

Dr. Collins walked over to the bed and asked Bella to pull up her sleeves so she could see the bruises on her arms. She performed her exam and said, "Well, there's no infection on the cuts or ligature marks. We'll get some X-Rays so we can see her ribs, as there was some heavy bruising there. I'll prescribe some pain killers." She made a note on Bella's chart and then left the room.

A nurse came to take Bella to get her X-Rays. Alice and I waited around until they came back. When the doctor came in she reported the news. "There's some slight fracturing, that seems to be the worst of the injuries." She looked at Bella. "Physically, at least. Bella, I'm gonna write a referral to a psychiatrist. I'd like you to go see him."

"No men, please," Alice said.

Dr. Collins nodded. "I want you to open up when you go, it'll help." She touched Bella's shoulder, Bella flinched away. "You'll get better, I promise." She handed me the discharge sheet and then left.

**Edward**

"Thanks, Alice," I said. "Call me if she says anything." I hung up my phone and let it fall next to me on the couch. I covered my face with my hands.

"I'm sorry about all this," Jasper said behind me.

"It's not your fault," I replied.

"I can't help but think it is."

Emmett rolled his eyes. "Guys, stop. We've been through this before."

"That we have," I said.

_Edward had just dropped Bella off at her house after Jasper nearly attacked her. He was standing in the living room looking at the mess. _

"_This is my fault," Jasper said. "If I could control my bloodlust, this wouldn't have happened."_

"_If I hadn't brought a human into a vampire's den this wouldn't have happened. It's not your fault, Jazz." Edward used his brother's nickname to show he really wasn't mad. _

"_You fell in love with her. You can't control that. My bloodlust, I can control that. Well, actually it appears I can't. But you see what I'm saying," Jasper said._

"_I see. Don't be sorry, it's not your fault."_

"_It's not yours."_

"_It's nobody's fault," Emmett said. "What is it with you guys? 'It's my fault', 'No, it's mine'. You're like a bunch of kids fighting over a toy, except in this case the toy is blame and it sucks. What's wrong with you guys?"_

_Jasper and Edward looked at each other shamefully. Emmett Cullen was lecturing his brothers on acting like children._

"_No one is to blame. Edward, you can't help you fell in love with a human. Jasper, everyone has weak moments. So both of you sack up and get over it already. Stop blaming yourselves. I thought people were supposed to blame each other when something went wrong. But, no, in this family everyone blames themselves."_

"_Emmett, we get it," Jasper said with a laugh._

"_Do you now?" He looked at them both in turn._

"_Yes," Edward said, agreeing with Jasper. "We get it."_

"_Good," Emmett said, crossing his arms with a smile on his face. "I don't want to have this conversation again."_

"This situation is a little different from then, Emmett," I said. "I mean, I left-"

"So you left her in the woods, did you happen to notice it was practically in her backyard, twenty foot from her back door? You didn't know she would follow you out so far, in fact that's a pretty stupid move on Bella's part," Emmett said honestly.

I stood up, but Jasper pushed me back down. Emmett went on. "What happened, happened. Nothing you say or do can change about that. Now you just gotta sit back, and be there for Bella, no matter what. But don't push her. She probably still loves you, she's just afraid right now. She needs you more than ever, whether she knows it or not."

To be honest I hadn't even thought about it Bella still loved me or not. I hadn't thought about what our relationship was. I had only been concerned with getting her home and getting her healthy. What would I do if she wanted nothing to do with me? I blamed myself for getting her in this situation, what was I going to do if she blamed me too?

I sat in my room, staring at the forest. My notebook open on my lap. I had just finished my letter and put it in the box with the others. I just hadn't yet found the motivation to get up. Desperately I wanted to go to Bella to check on her, but I knew she wasn't ready to see me yet. From what Alice and Rose said, she wouldn't be ready for a while. I threw the notebook in the floor and stretched out on my couch, staring at the world outside.

* * *

**Two Weeks Later**

**Rosalie**

Two weeks had passed and the only change in Bella was her skin looked less waxy. Her hair was clean and getting back to its former luscious locks. She had gained a little weight so she didn't look like a skeleton anymore. Aside from that, there had been no change. She still hadn't spoken a word. One might think she lost her ability so speak until they heard her screams at night.

There had been a small change in her, she no longer stayed in her room twenty-four hours a day. She actually came downstairs when Charlie was at work. At the moment she was sitting on the couch, watching TV. Charlie was in his chair. He'd been shocked when she came down. He tried talking to her but gave it up after a few failed tries, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

She looked anything but comfortable though. Bella sat hunched over, curled into the couch almost. Charlie sipped his beer, watching his daughter from the corner of his eye.

Alice and I were perched on the loveseat, pretending to watch the show as well. Suddenly, Alice went rigid.

"What is it?" I whispered.

"I don't know, my vision is blurry," she whispered back.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I can't see what's going to happen." She looked at me, her distress clearly visible in her eyes.

The door bell rang then. Alice and I looked at each other, instantly on the alert. Charlie set his beer on the table and got up. Bella looked a little concerned, not sure if she was up for visitors at the moment.

Charlie greeted the visitors as the smell of wet dog hit my nose. I shot up from the couch, immediately on red alert. Alice stood behind me, mirroring my posture.

"What is that smell?" she whispered.

"Werewolf."

Charlie came into the living room, looking cautiously at his daughter. "Hey, Bells. Billy and Jake are here." Behind Charlie was a man in a wheelchair and his teenage son, the son being the source of the stench. Both of them stared at Alice and I as if we were a diseased animal.

Jake glared at us before he stepped forward, talking to Bella. "I'm glad you're okay. We were worried about you on the reservation." He reached out to take her hand.

"Don't touch her," I warned him.

His mistook my warning and glared at me. "Don't tell me what to do." Bella tried to pull away from him but he took her hand anyway.

Bella freaked. She screamed and started thrashing on the couch. I shoved the dog out of the way and Alice knelt down to talk to Bella. Charlie stood behind the couch, looking as if he were going to cry.

My sister finally calmed Bella enough so Alice and Charlie could take her into the kitchen. I rounded on the oversized dog, who was a good four inches taller than me, even in my four inch heels. "Listen, mutt, you don't know what Bella's been through."

"Listen, leech, you can go to hell."

"Jake," his father warned from his seat in his wheelchair by the couch.

I pushed him against the wall. "You will leave right now, or so help me god I will drag you outside and break your bones until all there's left for your father to bury is a pile of splinters."

His father grabbed his arm and whispered, "Jake." I could see the fear in his eyes. Good thing for him, he knew I wasn't kidding.

The dog backed off. His father called into the kitchen, "Charlie, we'll come back later."

Charlie came into the room. "That'd probably be the best. Thanks for coming anyway." He kept his eyes on the floor. Billy and Jake left pretty quick after that.

Alice took Bella up to her room to rest, where she stayed for the rest of the day and the next. Back to square one.

* * *

**A/N: Please excuse my obvious love for Rosalie, haha. And Emmett telling it like it is. Thoughts? ~JLL**


	6. Nothing Lasts

**Disclaimer: None of this is mine.**

* * *

**Chapter Six- Nothing Lasts**

_"**I've been in a daze, it seems like days**_

_**That I've been waiting for this dream to pass**_

_**It goes so fast, it seems nothing lasts**_

_**I think I've lost something"**_

**-Airborne Toxic Event- "Numb"**

* * *

Bella's mom came to visit. Seeing her daughter wasn't doing well, she pulled Charlie aside. "Do you think she needs to be in a mental hospital?"

"No."

"Charlie, there are people who are equipped to deal with these kinds of situations."

"No, I will not let her go again. And besides, she was doing well with Rosalie and Alice."

"Until Jake came," Renee said.

"Well, yes."

"Didn't you say that the Cullen men have gone back to Alaska?"

"Yes," Charlie said. "What are you getting at?"

"Esme is at the house, Rose and Alice are here. Why not let Bella go stay with them so she's not constantly surrounded by men?"

Charlie scoffed. "Let my daughter go stay with the Cullen's? Maybe you're the one who needs a trip to the loony bin."

"Charlie," Renee scolded. "She needs to be in a healthy environment. She's comfortable with you, but you have Billy and Jake coming over and she's not ready for that."

"So I'll tell them to stay away."

"Charlie." She glared. "Either she goes to the hospital or she goes to the Cullens. It's just for a few days or so. It'll get her out of the house, but in a healthy way. She'll get a change of scenery without feeling threatened. Rose and Alice will be with her all the time, Esme will take care of her and you'll go visit her. This will be good for her." Her eyes pleaded with Charlie to understand.

He sighed and thought about it. Finally he relented. "Fine. I'll talk to Esme."

Renee picked up the phone and held it out to him. "Do it now." Ex-wife or not, you didn't argue with that voice.

* * *

**Rosalie**

"Bella, you're gonna come stay with us for a while okay?" Alice said. It had been a month and hardly any change had been made. She was seeing a therapist regularly but she didn't talk. She looked better physically anyway.

I packed a bag for her and took it down to my car. Carlisle had forced the boys to go back to Alaska until Bella was better. Edward was reluctant, but gave in eventually. Esme had her set up in the guest room already.

Bella got in the back seat without a word. When we got to our house, Esme greeted her at the door. Bella smiled silently at my mother. She returned Esme's hug and then went straight to her room.

Alice and I unpacked her clothes for her. Bella lay on the bed watching us. My sister chattered on and on about her clothes. "We have got to get you a new wardrobe." She turned to Bella, holding up a plain blue t-shirt. "Seriously, you have seven of these shirts. Seven plain, blue shirts." She held the shirt in her hand looking baffled. "Why?"

I laughed, putting away Bella's shoes. Alice lurched forward. "This is another thing." She held up Bella's tennis shoe. "I know they're comfy and all but why do you need eleven pairs of the same shoe? Explain this to me, please?" She dropped the shoe back in the closet and shook her head. "I need a break." She stalked dramatically from the room.

Bella was staring at the door wearing an expression of humor, confusion and horror.

"Don't worry about her," I said. Bella looked at me. "She'll be fine after she goes into her closet and makes sweet love to her favorite pair of Jimmy Choos."

Bella snorted and covered her mouth with her hand. Alice cursed at me from her bedroom. I smiled, shaking my head as I opened Bella's last suitcase.

**Edward**

"Any progress?" I asked Rosalie over the phone.

"I think so, a little. The therapy is helping. She doesn't just stare off into space like she used to. Now when Alice talks to her she actually smiles at some things and rolls her eyes. This morning Alice teased her about dressing her up like a Barbie doll and Bella had the sense to look horrified. So she's responding to us, she just isn't actually talking yet," she told me.

"Is she talking in therapy?"

"No, her therapist mostly talks to her. But it's helping a little. She's more human now. And we know how you loved her humanity," she teased.

"Yeah," I said with a smile. "Let me know if anything changes."

"I will," she promised and we hung up.

I couldn't stay away. I needed to see her. It was a burning ache in my stomach. I had to see for myself that she was okay. To make sure that I hadn't actually damaged her for life.

So I left that night for Forks.

* * *

"What the hell are you doing here?" Alice demanded when I walked in the house. She saw me coming of course, she had tried to call me while I was on the road.

"Alice, I had to see her. I need to see she's really okay," I explained.

She glared at me. "Rose is going to kill you."

"Let me worry about Rose."

"Edward." Rosalie's voice came from the top of the stairs. I walked to the stairs and looked up at my sister. Her blue eyes blazing with anger, her arms folded across her chest. "Explain," she demanded.

I repeated what I had said to Alice. Turning on my puppy dog eyes, hoping she would give in and let me see Bella. I could see her soften a little. She turned on her heel and stalked down the hall, I followed eagerly.

Outside Bella's door, she held up a hand telling me to wait. Rosalie went inside and I could hear her speaking to Bella.

"Edward is here. He wants to see you," she said. "Is that okay if he comes in?" There was no response from Bella, so I didn't know if that was good or bad.

Rosalie came out, her thoughts hidden from me and her face unreadable. "She didn't respond in a negative way, so I'll let you see her. But I'll be listening and if I have to I will drag you out screaming. Understand?"

"When did you get so protective over a human?" I teased.

She glared. "Watch it, buddy. I'm the only thing standing between you and Bella right now."

I smiled at her. "I'll be good, Rose."

Rose stepped aside and waved her hand, motioning for me to go inside. Slowly, I stepped inside. Bella was sitting in bed, with the covers over her. She was wearing a plain white t-shirt. She looked better than when we had first seen her. Her bruises were healed and she had some weight on her.

"How are you?" I asked. She just stared at me. I walked until I was at the end of her bed. This was as close as I would allow myself to go. The scent of her blood filled my nostrils, but I ignored it. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but let me apologize." She kept staring at me, a sad look had developed in her eyes. "I never meant for any of this to happen. If I could, I would go back and do it all completely different. You're my world, and I'm sorry that this happened. I hope you can forgive me one day."

Tears welled up in her eyes. I had to tread carefully, if she started crying Rose would throw me out the window. "Nothing means more to me in the world than you. The fact that you're so scared of me right now tears my heart out."

I broke my own rule and took another step toward her. She reacted by jumping away from me. She whimpered. Mentally, Rosalie warned me that she was coming up if Bella made one more sound. I turned and walked back to the door, where I had left a gift bag.

"I brought you a gift," I told Bella. I put the bag on the end of her bed. I smiled at her. "Open it in your own time. And just remember that sometimes, letters aren't meant to be sent." I left the room before I lost my nerve and took the gift back.

When I got downstairs, Rose and Alice were waiting for me. I walked straight past them toward the back door. "Where are you going?" Alice called.

"To hunt." Bella's blood had gotten to me more that I'd like to admit.


	7. White Satin

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**Chapter Seven- White Satin**

**Nine Days Later**

After Edward left her room over a week ago, she looked into the bag and found a beautiful mahogany box with a small lock on it. Edward had the key on a ribbon tied to a handle of the bag. Bella hadn't yet brought herself to open the box. Now she found herself staring at it.

Curiosity got the best of her.

She took the key and opened up the box. Inside was a pile of envelopes with different dates on them. She looked through and counted four envelopes containing letters and another small box at the bottom. It was wrapped in a shiny gold paper.

Each envelope was labeled with a date. They were September fourteenth, September twenty-seventh, December twenty-second and December twenty-fifth. She took out the one from September fourteenth. For a long time she stared at it and then finally, she gathered her courage and opened the letter.

Charlie rang the Cullens doorbell and Rosalie answered. "Hey, Bella's in the kitchen."

He stopped before crossing the threshold. "You mean she's out of her cave?"

Rosalie smiled. "That's not all."

"What do you mean?" he asked. She just smiled and pointed to the kitchen.

He walked into the kitchen to find Bella sitting at the table with Alice and Esme. "Hey Bells. How are you today?" he asked, not expecting an answer.

"Hi, dad," Bella said timidly.

Charlie stopped dead. His eyes filled with tears. "It's good to hear your voice again, kid." He opened his arms, inviting her for a hug. Slowly, Bella got up and hugged her father. She backed away quickly, though it was the happiest moment Charlie had experienced in a long time. Bella sat back down at the table.

"So you're getting better? Therapy is doing good, the girls are helping?" he asked.

She nodded, looking down at the table. Charlie smiled. "I don't know what's happened, but I'm glad it did."

Bella smiled back. She knew exactly what was helping her.

_Bella's hands shook as she unfolded the letter. And began to read the words scrawled in Edward's elegant handwriting: _

_September 14__th_

_My dearest Bella, _

_I'm so sorry for I am about to do. After what happened at your birthday party yesterday, I cannot allow myself to put you in anymore danger. There's no easy way to do this. I wish, on everything I love, that I didn't have to do this. I love you enough to let you go. _

_I can only hope that you won't hate me. You should move on and live your life. Find someone else and get married. Live your human life to the fullest and never take for granted what you have. _

_As long as you're happy, I'll be able to be happy knowing that I'm just a happy memory you can sometimes look back on and smile. For the rest of my existence I will always look back at the time I've spent with you and smile. Nothing makes me happier than to see you smile. I hope you'll never forget that._

_Love, your Edward_

_Bella's eyes filled with tears and she folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. She took the next one and began to read it._

After Charlie left, Bella went outside with Rosalie and Alice. The vampires talked about playing baseball when the boys got back. They hadn't got to play in a while. They teased Bella for ruining their last one. She smiled half heartedly, remembering what a disaster that had been. She didn't contribute to their conversation aside from a nod or a smile here and there. And the vampires were perfectly happy with just that.

Rosalie told Edward what good progress Bella was making, how she'd talked a little to everyone. However when he came to visit her, she still wouldn't talk to him. It hurt his feelings. It looks like she hadn't forgiven him like he had hoped.

Edward heard her when she spoke to Charlie when he came to visit. He heard the emotion in Charlie's voice when he spoke to her. He saw Charlie wipe his eyes when he got into his cruiser. He loved his daughter, and only wanted what was best for her. Which was the only reason he'd agreed to let Bella come stay with Esme.

After Charlie's departure, Edward went to his piano. He hadn't played since Christmas, which was six weeks ago. Edward wondered how he had gone so long without playing.

The girls went outside, so Edward was alone in the house, save for Esme. She drifted into the room and leaned against the piano. "I love it when you play," she said more to herself than to him. Then she drifted off into another room. Edward was so absorbed in the music, he didn't even hear the back door open.

Bella had dismissed herself from Rose and Alice's conversation about sex. When Rose asked if she were going to lie down she just nodded.

"Okay, get some rest. One of us will be up in a little while to check on you," Alice said with a smile as Bella went into the house.

She heard the music as soon as she stepped inside. Quietly as she could, she snuck into the living room. Edward didn't even look up. She crossed the room and sat down on the bench next to him. He began playing a very familiar tune.

_If the first letter was any indication to the rest, Bella knew she was going to have tears in her eyes for a while. She pulled the second letter from the box and began to read. _

_September 27__th__,_

_My dearest Bella,_

_A few days ago I arrived in Brazil. There are loving couples everywhere and I just can't help but think of you. The hotel I'm staying in has a piano in the lobby. I've gone down a few times to play a few notes, just to keep my hands busy._

_I hope you remember a few months ago, we were at my house. I played little of a song for you and you asked me if it had words, so I sang to you. You thought I had written the words on the fly, but that isn't true. I had actually written the song for you, weeks before. I just wanted the perfect chance to play it for you. Well, I finished the song this morning on the hotel piano. One day I want to play it for you. Some of it was inspired by my stay here. _

_I see you in everything around here. All the happy couples, I wish it were us. The smiling women running down the beach or playing volleyball, I wish it were you. Sometimes it's something as small as seeing a pair of high heeled shoes._

_Love, Edward_

"My song," Bella said aloud. Edward jolted, as if electrocuted.

"How…? You snuck up on me. Where did you come from?" he looked at her with a teasing smile.

She returned it timidly. "That's my song," she repeated.

Edward smiled. "You read my letters."

She nodded.

"So then you know there are words to this song?"

She nodded again.

"Would you like to hear?"

She nodded with a smile. "Please?"

"Who am I to deny you anything?" he said. Then began to sing.

_Gazing at people_

_Some hand in hand_

_Just what I'm going through_

_They can't understand_

_Some try to tell me_

_Thoughts they cannot defend_

_Just what you want to be_

_You will be in the end_

_And I love you_

_Yes I love you_

_Oh how I love you_

_Oh how I love you_

_Gazing at people_

_Some hand in hand_

_Just what I'm going through_

_They can't understand_

_Some try to tell me_

_Thoughts they cannot defend_

_Just what you want to be_

_You will be in the end_

_And I love you_

_Yes I love you_

_Oh how I love you_

_Oh how I love you_

_Nights in white satin_

_Never reaching the end_

_Letters I've written_

_Never meaning to send_

Bella's eyes brimmed with tears. "Beautiful," was all she could say. Edward's fingers lingered on the keys. Slowly, he lifted his hand and brushed a finger across her cheek, capturing a tear on his fingertip. Bella flinched in surprise.

"I'm sorry," Edward said. Bella shook her head. Suddenly, she stood up and went up the stairs to her bedroom. Edward heard her door shut. "Progress," he said with a smile.

Bella stood with her back against the door. She crossed the room and sat down on her bed. She took out the box wrapped in gold paper, she had yet to open.

_December 22__nd_

_My dearest Bella, _

_It's been a while since I've written a letter to you. These letters I write to you, I never plan for you to read them. I just like to vent my feelings for you. Sometimes it's hard to stop myself from sending it though. I would like to think you're still thinking of me in some way. I hope you don't hate me for leaving you the way I did. Even if I can't imagine you hating anyone, I would understand if you did._

_I'm flying to Alaska in the morning to be with my family. It's almost Christmas time. I bought you a gift a few days ago. I have no intentions of sending it to you. I saw it in a shop and thought of you. I bought it on impulse. I believe I'll just hold on to it and use it to keep you on my mind._

_Love, Edward_

_So whatever was in this box was her Christmas present from Edward. Bella was afraid to open it at first. Finally she tore the paper off and opened the box. _

_Inside was a charm bracelet with gold and silver stars adorning it. She ran a finger over the stars before she put the bracelet back in the box. Of course Edward would buy her an expensive gift she'd be embarrassed to wear. She put the box in her drawer and lay back on the bed._

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**A/N: The song Edward sings is "White Satin" by Zed's Dead. It's been pretty much the only thing I've listened to while writing so go check it out, seriously. **

**Thoughts on this chapter? Your reviews are always appreciated. ~JLL**


	8. When You Read My Mind

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SMeyer owns it all.**

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**Chapter Eight- When You Read My Mind**

"_**She said**_

_**I don't mind, if you don't mind**_

_**Cause I don't shine if you don't shine**_

_**The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun**_

_**When you read my mind"**_

**-The Killers- "Read My Mind"**

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**Rosalie**

Bella had been staying with us for a month now. It had been three since we found her in the woods. Her condition was improving. She talked a little more but it still was nothing more than a few words here and there.

It's been months, and it's time for us to talk. I knocked on the door to her room. "Bella?" I called.

I heard a rustling and the door opened. Bella was wearing a white t-shirt and black pajama bottoms. She smiled a little and opened the door for me. I noticed she looked down at herself as if she felt self-conscious around me. Looking down at my own outfit, I could understand why. Overdressed was probably an understatement.

There was a chair beside her bed, so I sat down there. "Bella, I think we need to talk." She only stared at me. I looked at my hands. "I know what happened to you was terrible, but I need you to know that you're not the only one who has suffered." She went on staring.

I drew myself up. "You see, when I was human, I was engaged to a man. It was all about money, status. Pretty superficial relationship, but it was normal for that time. Despite the fact that my parents had the whole thing arranged, I did love him. Then one night, he got drunk. He and his friends beat me, raped me and left me in the street to die. The man who was supposed to take care of me and never hurt me is the one responsible for my death. He was everything I thought I wanted and he destroyed me." I looked up at Bella, knowing my expression was angry.

The human girl had tears welling up in her eyes. She wiped them away hurriedly. "Carlisle found me and turned me into what I am today. I went on a rampage when I woke up. I killed Royce and his piece of shit friends." My voice was cold, but I still felt the pangs of sadness in my heart at his betrayal.

"I'm telling you this because I want you to know that no matter what happened to you, no matter how bad it got, it will get better. If you have the strength and the will, and supportive people around you, things will get better for you. You're already healing so well, and doing much better than when we found you," I told her softly. "You have a long way to go, still, but Alice and I are gonna help you. We're gonna be with you every step of the way."

She was staring at me with tear-filled eyes. Slowly, she nodded. "Thank you," she whispered. I don't know why she was thanking me and if I even helped at all, but I was glad for some kind of response.

I leaned forward and held out my hand. She looked at it for a moment before placing her own hand on top of mine. "When you're ready to talk, I'll be here. Alice will be here." I paused. "And if you should feel up to it, Edward will be here." Her weak grip tightened on my hand for a second and I took that as a good sign. Standing, I pulled my hand back. "Get some rest, I'll bring you some food in a little bit."

As I was closing her door, Edward spoke to me. "Thanks, Rose." I faced him, standing in the doorway to his own bedroom. "That could help her a lot." He smiled weakly at me.

"I hope so," I said and walked away quickly. I never shared my story. I've only talked about it a handful of times and it was mostly with Emmett or Carlisle. To tell it to a human girl was something highly uncharacteristic of me.

I found Emmett sitting on the couch in the living room. "I hope she realizes how special she's become," I told him, cuddling up into his side.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I told Bella my story."

"Oh." Emmett was quiet, a thoughtful expression out of place on his normally cheerful face. "She'll be okay," he said finally.

I stared at him for a long moment. "I hope you're right." He only smiled in response.

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**Bella**

I played Rosalie's story over in my head, still in disbelief she shared it with me. That doesn't seem like something she talked about with just anyone. It gave me some hope, though. Knowing what happened to her and seeing her now, I know I'll be okay someday.

I'd been sitting in the same position since she left. Now, I lay back on the bed and rolled to face the window. Night was falling and the stars were out. The stars. They had always held a special meaning to me. And apparently to Edward, as well.

I smiled at a memory. Then it disappeared as quickly as it had come. When I was locked in that shack, I would look out at the stars and imagine Edward coming to save me. After so many failed attempts to escape and getting beaten for my efforts, that was my last hope. That he would come to get me.

After three months passed, he did come to get me. My rescue wasn't how I pictured it though. I would find myself scared to be alone with Edward, or even my dad. Rose and Alice were the only ones I felt really comfortable around. They've helped me so much. And now I know Rose understands what I'm going through.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. Tomorrow was another day. I'd have to see my therapist tomorrow. Even though I rarely talked to her, she tried so hard. And gave me tips on how I could mend myself. Rose and Alice have been forcing those on me. Some have helped, some not so much. When they talked I always answered them in my head, unable to find my voice.

Leaning up, I turned off my lamp and climbed under the covers. Someday I would find my voice and I would tell them what happened to me. But it wouldn't be today. I fell asleep staring at the stars outside my window and a smile forming on my lips.

_December 25__th_

_My dearest Bella,_

_I hope you had a Merry Christmas. I've still got your gift here. A gift I don't think you'll ever receive. The stars are bright over Alaska tonight. When I was a child I used to think stars were magical, you know this already. Over the years they lost their magic. Now, they have a new meaning. Ever since that night you and I spent together, just staring up at them. They've become even more special to me. Only you will ever know the story behind it._

_That's why some nights I climb up on the roof, just to stare at the stars and relive that memory. Pretending you were with me all the time. I hope the stars mean the same to you. Or maybe they're just a memory to you, like everything else about me. My heart breaks at the thought I'm only a memory for you. My love for you is still very much alive._

_Merry Christmas, sweetheart._

_Love, Edward_

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**A/N: Have I mentioned I adore Rosalie? And Emmett? Had to throw some of those two in there. This was mainly a filler chapter and hey, we got to hear from Bella for the first time! Thoughts? ~JLL**


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